Tag Archives: words voice body

Letters from the Road

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I was exhausted. The flights, from Reno, to Denver, to Munich and eventually to Istanbul had taken their toll. I was dealing with a ten-hour time change, my class had run long and I knew I was going to have to face rush-hour traffic.

As I left the building, I looked out to Buyukdere Cadessi road, where I was headed. It was jammed with traffic. There was no visible movement. It was going to be a very long trip to get to the Istanbul Hilton some twenty kilometers away. After what seemed like hours of searching and waiting, I finally spotted a cab. I quickly signaled and crawled in the back. The driver didn’t speak English and I don’t speak Turkish. So I showed him where I needed to go, then out of weariness, closed my eyes in an attempt to recharge.

I opened my eyes 10 minutes later, only to see that we had not even made it out of the parking area. After another 20-minute nap, I woke up and found that my driver was actually making progress. We were going in and out of lanes, around motorcycles, buses, cars and even crowds of pedestrians lined up on the off-ramp. The sight was amazing. It made New York City rush hour look easy.

Now impressed with the progress we were making, I began to watch my driver. He could weave in and out of traffic really quickly, avoiding collisions and yet fluidly making progress. From the back seat, I noticed something very strange. Even though this was an automatic car, there was a stainless steel metal rod coming out from below the radio and extending out to just above the shifter. My driver rested his right hand on the shifter while moving the rod in a circular motion. What was the purpose of this rod? Could my driver have converted this car from an automatic to a stick with some kind of clutch mechanism? Now, my curiosity was peaked. I watched him steer in and out of traffic with his left hand and controlling the metal rod with his right. This seemed so odd. I leaned forward to get a better view and try to figure this out.

As I did so, I met his eyes in the rear-view mirror. He could see how curious I was. He turned and looked directly at me with very warm eyes and a smile so broad, so genuine that I can remember it to this day. As he looked at me with that big grin he took his right hand off of the metal rod and pointed down to his lap. I looked, first at the steering wheel, then down. What! No legs? He had no legs! Amazed, I looked up at the mirror and met that same warm smile. His expression was saying, “I can drive, I can drive!”

The steel rod, when turned to the right, was his connection to the accelerator. When turned left, it was the brake. I sat back in amazement. How could he drive so well with one hand? How could he have rigged this car to work this way? How would he even get to his car in the morning to go to work? I wondered how he lost both legs. How many angry tourists had yelled at him to get out of the taxi and get their luggage?

In spite of all of these images and questions, nothing impacted me quite like his warm smile and his pride in knowing that he can drive.
That taxi driver taught me so much that day. The lesson was about Ki. Ki is who you are on the inside. It’s who you are when no one else is around. It is you as you really are without the camouflage, without the subterfuge, without the hype. Strong Ki, combined with skill, can produce success where failure seems inevitable. Instead of focusing on his missing legs, the driver focused on his opportunity. He focused not on what was missing, but what he had. Oh, what a humbling thought.

It is natural to get into the habit of focusing on the pieces of your product or services that do not measure up to your competition. I realized how many times I had thought of things that were missing or limiting my success instead of recognizing my own attributes. Price, features and services are often obstacles that come to mind. It is very easy to let this become the starting point of a competitive analysis when facing a selling situation. Somehow, the grass really does seem greener when you look at your competition.

I should have learned this lesson many, many years ago. At the time I was selling for a Fortune 100 Company and all I could do was focus on the things we didn’t have. I wondered why our prices were always higher, why our service lacked at times and why we often did not have features that many of our competitors had. How in the world could my company expect me to accomplish the quota they raised every year?
One of my colleagues suggested I should write down every unique capability we had, no matter how large or small. Due to my respect for his success, I took him up on that challenge and overnight came up with a list of 25-30 capabilities that my company and product had that my competition did not. When I showed him my list he said, “Just look at how many of these things are very important to your customer that your competition cannot take into their sales call with them. But you’ve forgotten the most significant capability that none of your competitors can take into any sales call.” “What is that?” I asked. He looked at me and said, “You.”

Do you believe that you provide the best overall solution to your customer? Have you understood their issues and struggles so well, that you feel no one can help them move forward like you can? Do you feel that if your customer purchases from your competitor that somehow you have failed your customer? If you do not believe this, this is visible not only to you, but to your customer as well.

If you’re focused on the missing legs in your product, your company, or even yourself, I encourage you to do as I did many years ago: grab a pen and write down all of those things that you have, that you can carry into every sales call, that your competitors wish they had. The list is there, you just need to find it. Don’t forget to put yourself at the top of the list. Focus on what you have, not what you are missing. Do this and you can change your Ki. If you can accomplish this, you will find that you can accomplish great things, like driving a taxi without any legs. I will never know the name of that taxi driver. He will never know how he impacted my life. However, I will always remember that warm, smiling face, confidently saying “I can drive!”

By Steve Hub, Consultant, Corporate Visions Inc.

How Do You Create a Positive Environment?

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I like spending time with my friends; I enjoy the camaraderie and the conversations we have. I like that we challenge each others’ points-of-view and still find time to laugh and joke with each other at the end of the day.

I’m guessing that you’re that way with your friends too. You have a great time when you’re with them; you banter back and forth with a free flow of intriguing information. It’s usually a very causal, non-threatening environment and you simply enjoy being around them.

If you’ve been in the field of sales for any length of time, you’re sure to have heard the phrase, “people buy from people they like.” My proposition is this, how do you create a similar type of atmosphere with all of those new prospects and customers as you’ve created with all of your friends? Turns out, the answer may be closer than you think.

In a recent New York Times article, “You Remind Me of Me,”[i] author Benedict Carey notes that psychologists have been studying the art of persuasion for nearly a century. During that time, they have found that “immediate social bonding between strangers is highly dependent on mimicry, a synchronized and usually unconscious give and take of words and gestures that creates a current of good will between two people.”

The article discusses a study where psychologists at Duke tried to identify how mimicking someone’s behavior might impact their decision on whether or not to buy your product.

During a taste test for a proposed sports drink, subjects were interviewed about the new product. Psychologists observed that mimicking or mirroring the interviewees’ posture and movements with a slight delay made subjects more likely to consume the new drink, purchase it, and predict its success in the market. This was further reinforced even when the person being interviewed knew that the interviewer had a stake in the drink and its success.

Mirroring is something that occurs naturally in communication with people who are in rapport with one another. You quickly fall into mirroring when you’re with friends or acquaintances. However, when meeting with folks that you’re unfamiliar with, such as clients or new prospects, it often feels as if there’s an invisible wall or barrier that has to be broken.

The New York Times article also quotes Jean Decety, a neuroscientist at the University of Chicago, who states that “when you’re being mimicked in a good way, it communicates a kind of pleasure, a social high you’re getting from the other person.” By subtly mimicking or mirroring your prospects’ posture and body movements, you can create an environment where they begin to feel comfortable. You create a warm and convincing environment where those invisible, protective barriers begin to come down, ‘good will’ gets extended and a free flow of information can take place.

Great communicators and salespeople have long recognized this and are masterful at creating this rapport within relationships. Whether it’s picking up on the tone of the conversation, the words that are used or the physical cues that are given – they’re able to respond without thinking about it.

A word of caution: social mimicking or mirroring can and does go wrong. If your mirroring is ‘immediate and precise,’ people quickly pick up on it and you’ll lose rapport, credibility and likely the sale. The intent of mirroring is not to manipulate your customers for personal gain, but to quickly create an environment of trust, so you can build the win-win relationship you need for your customer to ultimately buy from someone they like…YOU!!

By Mike Miller, Consultant, Corporate Visions Inc.

[i] Carey, Benedict, “You Remind Me of Me,” New York Times, February 12, 2008, http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/12/health/12mimic.html

Trust in Your (Best Friend’s) Self

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In Power Messaging®, you learned about bringing your Best Friend’s Self to every messaging opportunity. The concept of self comes from The Evolution of Consciousness by Robert Ornstein, who explains that we are made up of many selves. It’s as if each of us is like a person with multiple personality disorder, except that our personalities are connected and aware of each other. Each self has its own language, voice tonality and gestures for different life situations. The Best Friend Self is who you are with your best buddy. By using the Best Friend Self, you build a sense of service into your message. Every one of us will go out of our way for our best friend.

I encourage everyone to focus on being a best friend every day. This is not easy to do. Scientists have proven that we are not wired to do this naturally. Being your “Best Friend’s Self” has to be practiced so it can be moved from your conscious to your unconscious mind.

The first time I remember being conscious of this was in 1999 when I was about to board a United Airlines flight to Hong Kong. It was my first international trip to Asia and I was booked for coach class. The flight was very crowded and I had the misfortune of being assigned a seat in the middle of the mid-section of the airplane.

We were about 45 minutes from boarding. I was standing in line at the gate counter waiting to ask if my seats could be changed (at least to an aisle seat), when I couldn’t help but notice the young woman right in front of me yelling at the gate agent. All of the sudden, the young woman called the gate agent a vulgar name and stomped away, leaving me as the next person in line. Now, this was not the situation I was hoping for. My mind was highly sensitive to the situation. I was thinking so fast, I nearly became dizzy. What should I say? What should I say?

The gate agent appeared dejected. I stepped forward. Her posture was slumped and I noticed her pale, saddened face. I said the first thing that came to mind, “I have only two things to say to you.” I could see that the gate agent anticipated another confrontation by how she sunk a bit lower in her posture and tipped her head down. My next words were, “First of all, you didn’t deserve that treatment, and secondly, I’m very sorry that I had to witness it.” You would have thought that I had just handed her a bouquet of roses. She smiled very proudly and straightened her back as she reached for my ticket saying, “Where would you like to sit on this plane?” At this point, the Gomer Pyle (simple-minded gas station attendant and later auto mechanic in the American TV sitcom The Andy Griffith Show, played by Jim Nabors) in me spoke up and said, “Well, I’ve never sat upstairs on a 747 before, Ma’am.”
“Well, you know, that is business class. But let me see what I can do for you?” she responded. I remained quiet until she said, “Looks like this is going to be your lucky day!” And the next thing I knew, I was sitting upstairs in 5C – Wow! The upper deck of that 747 looked like a football field, with 32 seats. I couldn’t believe it. What had just happened?

The self I used that day is what I now call my “Gate Agent Self.” This form of Best Friend Self is based on the belief that my day has never been worse than the gate agent’s day. When I approach the gate using my Gate Agent Self, I do the following:

  • I always ask how their day has been
  • I always ask if this is a bad time to ask a question
  • I always call them by name
  • I never demand service
  • I never flaunt my frequent flyer status or use it as a badge for respect
  • I’m of the mindset that whatever the problem is, it’s not the gate agent’s fault
  • I always appreciate their assistance by thanking them

After all, this gate agent is the same person that can place you in the middle seat, in the last row of a MD-88, by the restroom, or on the upper deck in 5C!

One way to quickly get to your Best Friend’s Self is to have a genuine desire to know more about people. When dealing with others, I constantly keep the subject on them, learning more about who they are. This helps me be a better “best friend” because I am creating a friendship. Dale Carnegie wrote, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” I believe this is true.

Remember the New Brain and Old Brain you learned about in Power Messaging? The New Brain loves facts and features and spends most of its time analyzing data. The Old Brain deals with emotion. Much of this emotion has to do with survival. Survival is about quickly sizing up a situation and deciding if danger exists. One way the Old Brain does that is by looking at human behavior. Does the voice quiver or project authority? Do the hands gesture nervously or forcefully? Do the eyes flicker hesitantly or gaze unflinchingly? Is the posture diffident or confident? All of these things speak directly to the Old Brain and from this comes a decision to trust or not to trust. Your Best Friend’s Self is the launch pad to gaining the trust of your prospect.

Has Science Proven the Power of Mirroring?

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Brain imaging tools are revealing the mechanism through which matching an individual’s body language and tone of voice (known as mirroring) works to build rapport between people.  An article in LiveScience, “Scientists Say Everyone Can Read Minds,” explains,

“Empathy allows us to feel the emotions of others, to identify and understand their feelings and motives and see things from their perspective. How we generate empathy remains a subject of intense debate in cognitive science.

Some scientists now believe they may have finally discovered its root. We’re all essentially mind readers, they say.”

The article goes on to further state,

“In 1996, three neuroscientists were probing the brain of a macaque monkey when they stumbled across a curious cluster of cells in the premotor cortex, an area of the brain responsible for planning movements. The cluster of cells fired not only when the monkey performed an action, but likewise when the monkey saw the same action performed by someone else. The cells responded the same way whether the monkey reached out to grasp a peanut, or merely watched in envy as another monkey or a human did.

Because the cells reflected the actions that the monkey observed in others, the neuroscientists named them ‘mirror neurons.’

Later experiments confirmed the existence of mirror neurons in humans and revealed another surprise. In addition to mirroring actions, the cells reflected sensations and emotions.

‘Mirror neurons suggest that we pretend to be in another person’s mental shoes,’ says Marco Lacoboni, a neuroscientist at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Medicine. ‘In fact, with mirror neurons we do not have to pretend, we practically are in another person’s mind.’ ”

These mirror neurons may explain what many psychologists have asserted for years, that when you mirror another person’s body language and voice tone, you build rapport with that person at the sub-conscious level.

The existence of these mirror neurons may also explain why so much of human communication occurs through voice tone and body language. If your prospect’s brain is constantly mirroring your movements, emotions, and voice tone, then this might explain how your prospects determine whether or not you are being sincere.  For example, if your body language is inconsistent with your words, then your client may feel this internally through their mirror neurons and decide that they can’t trust you.

Psychologists have long believed in the power of mirroring, and communication studies over the last 20 years have shown that humans communicate more information through body language and voice tone than they do through the words they choose.  With the recent breakthroughs in brain imaging, scientists will now learn what specific brain mechanisms cause the above to be true.

By Erik Peterson, Consultant, Corporate Visions Inc.